I am an adoptee. What this means is that I’ve lived most of my life with holes in my heart-shaped like rejection, abandonment, and self-sabotage. What this means is that I rarely smiled, I never made new friends, and for most of my life, I couldn’t even look anyone in the eye. What this means is that I started my life out with trauma and it caused a bitterness within me so deep that every negative experience I had was not only expected but also internalized and held onto.
I pushed everyone away who got too close because I believed they would eventually leave. I felt lonely no matter who I was with and I often tried to shrink myself to avoid being noticed. I used to believe that I was unworthy. Unworthy of love, unworthy of acceptance, and unworthy of having good things happen to me.
I’ve learned a whole new way of thinking, processing, praying, and living in freedom that has changed everything for me. In the last decade I’ve gone through cancer, two babies in the NICU, placenta percreta, an emergency hysterectomy, rejection and betrayal by family and friends, and abandonment; again. This time I didn’t break. This time I forgave, released and moved on with a smile on my face and peace in my heart. I now believe that good things are here to stay no matter what the circumstances try to tell me.
To my fellow adoptees; I see you. I know the heartache you feel constantly. I know that instead of having two families, you don’t feel like you quite fit into either of them. I know that your adoption was trauma no matter what anyone tries to tell you. It’s time to rise up, shake off the chains of abandonment, and be who you were created to be.
My hand is in the fire reaching back for you.
Are you coming?