Why Being An Adoptee Is Complicated

Adoption is complicated. I know that many believe the opposite but often those opinions are formed without ever talking to the person adoption affects the most: The Adoptee. 

I never realized how many of the wounds I carried had been inflicted by my adoption. I just assumed that most people had trouble looking others in the eye, or felt like they had to walk on eggshells so they didn’t get abandoned again, or kept everyone at an emotional distance so they wouldn’t get hurt. 

It wasn’t until I began connecting with other adoptees that I saw just how much brokenness comes from being given away. If I told you that I had lost my entire family as a newborn you’d likely assume that they had died in some tragic way and you’d feel sorry for me. But when I say that I’m adopted, people seem to assume that it’s something I should be grateful for. As though adoptees don’t have the right to grieve the family they were born into and then immediately separated from. 

I have come to the conclusion that I’m allowed to love my adoptive family and still be sad about missing out on growing up with my biological sisters. Most adoptees feel as though they don’t fit in anywhere. They don’t fit with their adoptive families because they don’t share the same DNA but they also don’t fit in with their biological families because they were separated from them. 

It’s like dropping a glass on the floor and watching it shatter. No matter how much glue you use to put it back together, it’s never quite right. It took me four years to write and work up the nerve to publish my first novel partially because I didn’t want to upset anyone I was related to or raised by, and partially because I didn’t want to offend any adoptees if they didn’t like my story. 

That’s the thing though. It’s my story. I’m allowed to tell it in whatever way I want to because it’s mine. And you get to tell your story for the same reasons. 

Today I release the first book in a three part series loosely based on my life. I feel like I’m going to puke but I’m doing it anyway because that’s how you grow. If you’d like to pre-order the e-book I would be so honoured. You can do that here. 

If you’re a paperback or hardcover person I get it. You can jump on the waitlist here for those. Thank you for being a part of my journey.

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2 Comments

  1. James Wilkinson  10/25/2021 02:09 PM Central
    Coming from a place of one who was abandonded...I never made the connection until reading this. Yes it is the same pain regardless of the reason. That is a true loss that is mourned and should be mourned as it is something that can never be regained. When my Grandfather passed away (a man I had never ever met) I cried for 3 days. It wasn't until day two that I realized I was crying because I had been robbed of the chance to get to know him, to have a Grandfather in my life and because now that he had passed I couldn't even have a relationship with him as an adult. My grief was deep and it was real...thank you for sharing yours and being brave enough to do that. <3
    Meggan Larson AUTHOR  10/25/2021 04:45 PM Central
    James I'm so sorry you never got to know him. Thank you for sharing this.
  2. Anna Stager  04/06/2022 10:25 PM Central
    Thank you for sharing this. I’ve always acutely felt the sting of adoption being possible because of the worst loss one could ever have. When people tell me my child is so blessed to be adopted by us I always cringe and attempt to share the reality of the loss and how we won’t stop asking Jesus to come and meet our child in that loss.
    Meggan Larson AUTHOR  05/01/2022 08:47 PM Central
    I'm so grateful for adoptive parents like you Anna. You get it. xo

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