I used to self sabotage every area of my life. It wasn’t on purpose of course, I didn’t intend to do it, it just seemed to happen. It was frustrating to say the least. Doing the same thing over and over again without actually knowing why can make a person feel completely crazy.
Of course now I know why. I can see the patterns that developed, I can hear it in the voices of my fellow adoptees. Abandonment does something to a person and it can be nearly impossible to shake. Everything in us feels like we deserve to fail and so we create self fulfilling prophesies in our lives that pull us down a deep dark hole.
I used to end every relationship before he could get too close. I seemed to intentionally choose friends who would eventually hurt me. I spent money foolishly and took my health for granted always feeling like I deserved the bad things that happened to me.
That wasn’t true though, and it took me entirely too long to realize that.
The good news is that I don’t have to stay that way ~ and neither do you. The truth is that you don’t deserve bad things happening to you. You don’t deserve the horrible way that you’ve been treated and you never have. There are some tips and tricks I can share but at the end of the day you need to believe that you are worthy of good things. I can’t change your mind for you (though I truly wish I could).
The things that have been helpful to me are things like daily affirmations, speaking life over myself, focusing on the positive in every situation (there’s always one ~ trust me), being careful about not speaking negatively about myself, and working to retrain my brain because being given away seems to automatically make you believe that deep down you’re worthless.
You’re not worthless and you never were.
If you want to stop being a self sabotaging adoptee then you need to choose to do better. You need to choose to love yourself enough to let yourself win. If you need help with that feel free to grab my guide Healing the Invisible Scars of Adoptees.