To All The Besties I’ve Lost

You never see it coming do you? When you have a best friend it’s because you trust them completely. Your best friend is supposed to get you, supposed to celebrate you, supposed to love you unconditionally. When they don’t, it hurts. It hurts more than anything I think. It feels like someone reached into your chest and ripped your heart out. 

It’s hard to breathe, hard to sleep, hard to get through the day without being stopped suddenly in your tracks. Sometimes it’s okay. Sometimes you can forget. But it’s in those moments when something funny happens and you immediately go to message them and realize that you can’t anymore. It’s when you have a brilliant idea that you want to share with them but you realize as you pull out your phone that you’re not friends anymore so you slowly put it away while a sadness begins to pull you under. 

Losing a friend is awful but losing a best friend? That’s devastating. Maybe I should have seen it coming. There were signs, there were patterns. But I thought I was special. I thought I was different. The truth is, I guess I wasn’t and there’s nothing I can do about that.

What I can do is forgive. What I can do is bless & release and move on. And the best thing I can do? Make sure that I never do this to anyone else. Isn’t that really the most important thing we can learn through these painful experiences? We can either choose to become angry or bitter and turn around and hurt someone else OR we can choose to rise. We can choose to forgive so that we don’t become bitter or angry and then we can move forward promising ourselves that we won’t do it to someone else because we know just how much it hurts. 

To all the friends I’ve lost throughout my life—I’m sorry for my part in the ending of our friendship. I wish you every happiness and I will do my best to be better in the future. 

I think that’s all any of us can do. 

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